I used to live a life in which I avoided all of my feelings. Since I was very young, I suppressed all of my fear, anger and sadness. I did not have the understanding on how to acknowledge my feelings, the ones that brought me joy and pain. If pain ever knocked on my door, I retreated and guarded myself which resulted into the tendency to hide and bury the pain beneath the surface Well, come to find, bottling up your pain does not mean it goes away. In fact, it may very well manifest itself into dark behaviors and addictions. Did I know this at the time? No, I was too young to realize the truth of regulating emotions and being human. I thought I needed to present myself as well, as bright, as a kind soul who does not feel pain or project their wounds onto others. I pleased the crowd and took on their pain in hopes to bring a fresh perspective into the space. But as I held onto their pain, my own went deeper. Until it got to be too much. Until it turned into a mental and emotional shadow. Eventually, I began to find myself again and learn how to sense all of my being. I realized the pain I had been suppressing still existed in my body and the only way to release it was to befriend it and understand it. I used to think pain, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. were all negative emotions, when actually they are all neutral. Every emotion has a purpose. If I feel the feelings, then I am closer to healing. If I bottle it all up, then I am setting myself to sense a darker space. If I shine light on my darkness and unravel all of the layers beneath it, then open myself up to invite peaceful space and clarity. I must befriend every emotion that arises and allow them all to be felt. By doing this, I understand my soul in a deeper way, where I carry compassion for my being and love for my journey.